2/14/14 – Here is this week’s edition of the Cook County West End News from WTIP, North Shore Community Radio.
Here is an excerpt:
Last week, I mentioned my epic fall off the peak of my house. I got a number of emails and comments about my inventing the new Olympic sport known as roof diving. It got me to thinking about other West End winter sports that could be included in future winter Olympic Games.
One event could be Cold Weather Dog Walking. This would be judged on the dog’s form and skill at walking while holding one or more freezing paws off the ground. Points could be awarded for maintaining speed while walking with one, two, or at the pinnacle of skill, three paws in the air. Extra points are awarded for successfully “taking care of business” with one or more paws off the ground.
Another sport could be competitive car starting. Athletes would each be provided with a 1992 Toyota Camry with two hundred and thirty thousand miles on it and a four-year-old battery, cooled down to 32 degrees below zero. Points would be awarded for the least time elapsed from leaving the house to pulling out of the driveway. Style points would be added for combinations of starter fluid, gas pedal pumping and application of jumper cables. Needless to say, at the Olympic level, only batteries with the tiny little side-mounted terminals would be allowed. Points would be deducted for failure to make a solid connection or having the jumper cables pop off just as you turn the key. You are disqualified if you leave your choppers sitting on the air cleaner when you slam the hood.
The final new event could be that ultimate test of speed, agility and strength that we call roof shoveling. Points would be awarded for speed and style, with extra points being added for the size of each block of snow pushed over the edge of a low pitch cabin roof. The judges will want to see a few graceful roof diving moves, with points being added for the length and loudness of the scream and the gracefulness of the landing. Veterans of this Olympic sport, like me, would delight the crowd with our perfect belly flop techniques.
This all gets me to thinking that the West End should submit a bid to host the 2022 winter games. – Bill